Finding Alice Read online

  “No I don’t. If you behave yourself I’ll take them off and you can go to the bathroom next door to freshen up, is that OK with you?”

  “OK,” agreed John.

  “Then I will have a talk to you in my office,” she called out, “Nurse Scott could you bring Mr. Mason a towel and a dressing gown and some slippers?”

  John looked at what he was wearing. It was some sort of hospital gown. His dirty clothes were in a plastic bag at the foot of the bed. Out of bed and into the shower next door. Boy did that warm shower feel good on his body. He dressed and returned to his bed, where Nurse Scott was waiting for him.

  “Dr Rush will see you now,” she said.

  Nurse Scott ushered John into Dr Rush’s office.

  It was only quite small but tidy. It had an older style desk with two visitors chairs. The desk had a writing mat and note pad and a number of pens in a holder. There was a picture of two older people, which John assumed were Dr Rush’s parents. On the far wall was a window looking onto a verdant setting. Against the wall where he had just come in was a bookcase with a whole lot of what looked like textbooks. One of the larger ones was clearly labeled “Modern Psychiatry.” Behind Dr Rush was a picture but as it was modern art John could not make out what it was supposed to be.

  As John had observed on first seeing her, Dr Rush would look much better without her dark rimmed glasses and with her hair loosened up. But what he didn’t know she was presenting herself this way on purpose.

  She had followed in her father’s footsteps and become a psychiatrist. In fact her father was very well respected in psychiatric circles, having written well-researched papers on depression and anorexia. She had contact lenses at home and until about six months ago had been wearing them as well as having her hair loose.

  She had been living with her doctor boyfriend for five years and was starting to think about marriage and children, when six months ago, something terrible had happened. She came home early one day to find him in bed with one of the young nurses. With the break-up of this relationship she did not want to have anything to do with men at this point in her life. If anything she was probably suffering from mild depression. So she had tied her hair back and put on her old glasses she had worn at university. She had not yet got over the pain from the break-up and was not ready to start a new relationship. In a way she was hiding behind the glasses, to protect herself from the world.

  She had thought about taking her boyfriend back, but considered it was probably likely that he would do the same thing to her again. He had tried to ring her, sent her flowers and had actually turned up at her office on two occasions, pleading with her to come back. After that she had started wearing the glasses to make herself look less attractive if he turned up again, as well as to hide behind them.

  Unlike John, she had come from a well off family and like Audry had gone to private school. She had been a good student and like John was also good at sport. She was also into keeping fit and like Alice and power walked most days after work. She was finding the power walking a huge release at present, as it gave her temporary escape from her break-up problems.

  Her parents had been very understanding about the break-up and were now having her around to dinner every Wednesday night. However no matter how much they tried to cheer her up, they knew that only time would heal her scars. In fact she was probably just starting to come out of her catharsis over the past couple of weeks and was now starting to wear lipstick again.

  “Please take a seat John,” the young doctor said pointing John towards one of her two visitors chairs. John sat down looked at her and opened up with,

  “Has anyone ever told you, you would look much better without those glasses and with your hair down?”

  Without knowing it John was already giving Dr Rush some important information. He was angry rather than depressed. Dr Rush knew from her father’s work, it can sometimes take years to treat patients with depression. When people are in deep depression they lose all ability to rationalize. They just can’t see any way out of their gloom. In fact some patients with clinical depression can’t be cured and have to stay on medication for the rest of their lives. In John’s case however it would be likely that Dr Rush would have to use Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. By this method she would need to have regular sessions with him and give him a series of assignments to complete before each session.

  Dr Rush ignored John’s cheeky leading question about her appearance and got right down to business.

  “John why do you think you are here?”

  “I don’t know. You tell me.” John could feel he was going to enjoy sparing with this young psychiatrist.

  “John, something seems to have been making you unhappy.”

  “You a Psychiatrist?” probed John

  “John,” with a hint of annoyance in her voice, “I’m in my final year. Now will you please answer the question? What brought you here?”

  John could see that she had slightly changed to question so he thought he would answer literally.

  “I don’t know, possibly an ambulance.”

  “Don’t be smart John,” she was on to him. “You know what I mean. What has been making you unhappy?”

  He was going to continue with something along the lines of “what makes you think I am unhappy”, but thought better of it. He tried a different tack:

  “My wife’s a lousy fuck.” Dr Rush looked flustered and started to go red around her neck.

  “OK, John if we are going to continue with this conversation I want you to use civil language.”

  He was about to sidetrack her into a discussion as to what constituted civil language, but thought better of it.

  “All right she’s lousy in bed.”

  “Is that what brought you here then John?”

  “No she’s always been a lousy... I mean bad in bed.”

  “OK then what else was it?”

  “George is an arsehole.”

  “John, I won’t tell you again.”

  “OK, I don’t like George.”

  “Who is George?”

  “He’s Audry’s Father”

  “Audry is your wife isn’t she?”

  “Yes.”

  Then you are having problems in the bedroom with your wife and you don’t like her father.”

  “Something like that.”

  “OK, then these seem to be long term problems and we can arrange some counseling for you and your wife and perhaps some mediation with your father-in law. She paused,

  “What is it though that has been troubling you more recently?”

  “Alice in Wonderland.” She sat back and looked at him surprised.

  “Alice in Wonderland, that’s a children's tale by Lewis Carroll, John. What has that got to do with you?”

  John was again tempted to spray her, that he thought Alice in Wonderland had overtones of pedophilia, but again thought better of it.

  “No not Alice in Wonderland, Alice.”

  “Alice is a fictional character John.” He could see she was showing concern about his mental state and thought he had better come straight.

  “No, not Alice from the story, Alice Johnson.”

  “Who is Alice Johnson and why are you calling her Alice in Wonderland?”

  “Alice Johnson is my neighbour and her parents named her after Alice in Wonderland.”

  He could see the level of concern start to lessen from the young doctor’s face.

  “OK, so Alice Johnson is your neighbour and she did something recently that upset you.”

  At this point Dr Rush was thinking it must be some sort of neighbourhood dispute.

  “No she told me to go back to my fancy wife and my fancy house and car.” Dr Rush did a quick double take,

  “Oh, so you were having an affair with your neighbour, Alice Johnson and she broke it off? Is that what the problem is John?”

  “Yeah, something like that,” he muttered

  “John a lot of people have affairs and in most c
ases they get over them and quite often the marriage can survive quite in tact.”

  She was starting to lecture him now and he didn’t like it so decided he would stir her up again.

  “Yeah, Alice likes it from behind and she comes five times a session.” He thought he would add a couple for effect. Dr Rush was going really red around the neck now.

  “OK, John that’s enough I am not a sex therapist, you will have to discuss this with someone who is trained in that field and unfortunately we don’t have anyone here.”

  John felt like saying he could only discuss it now she had got him talking about it, but again thought discretion would be the better part of valour. These psychiatrists have no sense of humour he thought.

  “OK John, is there anything else?”

  “No not really, how long are you going to keep me here?”

  “That depends on you John. At present we intend to keep you here for a while for observation. We will send you home when we think you are well enough. But that will depend on Dr Smith, he will be having a talk with you this afternoon.”

  “OK, what am I supposed to do now?”

  “Well you are free to wander around as you like. We have a library on the first floor. You might like to borrow a book from there.”

  John left her office and decided to have a look around. The hospital was really a big old house, with very high ceilings and the remnants of what had once been a very fine home. Almost a mansion thought John and bigger than most of the homes where he used to do gardening when he was young. In some places the ceiling patterns were still in place, but elsewhere they had been replaced by plain white ceilings. It looked like whole parts had been added on, as the ceilings were lower without roses around the lights and there were no friezes on the walls. The corridors had lino on the floors that once would have been polished timber. At the end of the corridor a lift had been installed. There were a couple of elaborate staircases that were still in good condition with their hand carved banisters.

  Down the hall from the front door was a large room where a lot of noise seemed to be coming from. John thought he would have a look in there. About 20 patients were wandering around doing various things. A TV was playing at one end of the room but no one seemed to be watching it. A guy in his 40’s standing in a corner beckoned John over. He spoke in a very hushed voice

  “It’s all rigged.”

  “What’s all rigged,” asked John?”

  “The stock market, they get together every night and decide whether it will go up or down.”

  “Who gets together?”

  ”The ones that control it.”

  “Well I don’t know,” said John, “everything seems to be rigged in one way or another these days.”

  “Yeah, but they took $5 million off me.”

  Just then Dr Rush approached.

  “Time for your medication Dan.”

  She handed him a glass of water and a bunch of pills in a little plastic cup, which he took without question.

  “Could I have a word with you over here John?” They walked a short distance.

  “ I don’t want you upsetting Dan. He can become quite distressed if you talk to him too much about the stock market.”

  Did he really lose $5 million?”

  “I don’t really know John. Its something he says to every new person he meets.”

  “Sounds like he’s a bit schizoid to me,” offered John.

  She looked at him quite surprised and from her expression he could tell he was correct in his diagnosis. But she soon recovered,

  “That will be enough of that John. I am not going to discuss other patients with you and you are not here to diagnose other patients. Just concentrate on getting well yourself.”

  John smiled. He could see that she was finding him a real challenge but was somehow up for it.

  He wandered outside. It was late morning and there was a distinctive smell of dry earth rising from the ground, signaling that the day was rapidly heating up. Out the back were some buildings that looked like they might have once been stables. They were now being used as storehouses. Across the front of the hospital was a large veranda from which a path led down to iron security gates and a high brick wall along the street frontage. There was a large fountain in the middle of the front lawn and gardens and trees around the perimeter. A gardener was tipping a barrow full of compost into one of the gardens. The lawns were well cut and everything was neat and orderly. Pretty good thought John, but not quite as neat as my garden. Well, having a negative thought, my garden before the other night.

  A number of patients were sitting on garden seats. Some seemed to be talking to their relatives. Others were wandering around.

  A sweet little old lady came up to him,

  “Hi, I’m Lizzie what's your name.”

  “I’m John.”

  “Have you met Thomas?”

  “No I haven’t met Thomas,” said John.

  “OK, Thomas this is John.”

  John looked around but there was no one there. Then he noticed her outstretched arm.

  “Thomas don’t be shy, shake hands with John.”

  By this time he was on to it and put out his hand and shook hands with the imaginary Thomas.

  “He’s been a good boy today. Come along Thomas its nearly time for lunch.” And off she toddled.

  He decided to go up to the Library and have a look at what books they had. Dr Rush was just coming out the door with pills for other patients.

  “Just met Lizzie and Thomas. Lovely little boy isn’t he? How long have they been coming here?”

  “About five....” she started to answer. Suddenly she realized that John had tricked her and she was about to give out patient information.

  “Look John you’d better stay out of it if you know what's good for you.” And with that they continued on their separate ways.

  John took the lift up to the first floor. It was only small and seemed to take ages to get there. At one point he thought it might not be moving at all but eventually the doors opened opposite a sign that said “Library.” Not a bad library for a nut house he thought. There was no librarian just a lot of books on shelves around the walls and a table in the middle with a pile of books on it. Many of the books were quite old. Some of them had tags inside the front covers.” Donated by the Smith family or some other person or family.” After searching for a while John found a book about Steve McQueen, when he heard a bell ring. Must be lunchtime, he thought.

  Downstairs to the cafeteria. There was a hatch in one of the walls where a large islander lady was handing out plates of sandwiches. John queued up with the other patients until he was at the front of the line.

  “What would you like love, ham and cheese or ham and salad?”

  “Ham and salad,” said John.

  Where to sit? Everyone seemed to have his or her own special seat. He found a seat next to a pretty looking young girl.

  “OK if I sit here?” he asked?

  She just nodded.

  I wonder what she’s in here for thought John. Maybe a drug overdose or something. He noticed she had her head down and didn’t seem to want to talk to anyone. He also wondered why she had a jumper on when it was a hot day. Then he saw it. She moved her arm and quickly covered the bandage around her wrist, when she realized she had exposed it.

  A suicide attempt and such a pretty girl, thought John.

  After lunch he wandered outside and found a spot under a tree and started trying to read his book. The day was now very hot with a strong westerly wind blowing. Boy it’s boiling he thought, must be at least 37 degrees. The wind kept blowing the pages over and even though he was sitting under a tree, it was as hot as hell. Real bush fire weather, he thought.

  He could really relate to Steve McQueen. A boy from the wrong side of town who started off as a cowboy in the TV series “Wanted Dead or Alive” and had worked his way up to be one of the highest paid actors in Hollywood. However, fighting against the heat and wind, he had
only read a few pages when Dr Rush came looking for him.

  “Dr Smith will see you now.”

  He got up and followed her, engaging in some meaningless conversation about the weather.

  Dr Smith was a bald headed man with a pot belly. John put his age as somewhere in his mid 60’s. He didn’t look very pleasant. Dr Rush handed him a folder she had been carrying and left.

  “Sit down John,” said Dr Smith, without any other pleasantries and started to casually flick through the notes in the folder. For some reason John immediately sensed he wasn’t going to like this guy. There would be no fun to be had here.